Not My Problem

I agree with them about Chicago beers, BYOB, commercials, Sears Tower, the improv show, ketchup, deep dish, and the el, but I feel like they missed the stuff below. Then again, maybe it’s just the people I know who say this shit. Not my problem.

1 hr to The Circle? KILL ME.

Ugh so much traffic. Obama must be in town.

It’s POP, bitch.

Every winter I ask myself why I live here.

(while riding the redline) I hate Cubs game days :(

DIBS

Logan Square- soooo hipster.

I work in the burbs, but live/play in the city. [Note: I want to punch people who say I play in the city. Are you 6?]

There will never be another Michael Jordan. Never forget the Bulls in the 90’s!!!

Omgggg Barleycorn/Ew Barleycorn.

It’s a Lettuce Entertain You restaurant.

Did you see Janet Davies and Mark Giangreco making out on ABC’s New Year’s Eve show?

He must be from someplace lame like Schaumburg.

Beware of potholes.

Remember when North Ave was the red light district?

Wicker Park is SOO gentrified.

It will ALWAYS be Marshall Fields.

It’s near the six corners.

MCGEES AREA.

(While watching NBC Chicago news): Dick Johnson. BAHAHAHA.

The end. I hope this annoying trend ends soon. We all know what we say!

I workout where Tina Fey used to work her day job (If you really want to know where that is, read Bossy Pants or look it up, creep). It’s not that hip and most of the other people who go there are old(er). It’s weird when I see someone my age there.

Since everyone there is old, I’m really not sure what is normal and what is not. Going to the locker room makes me want to gag (no offense). There are naked old women everywhere. They just stand there completely nude or walk around with a towel wrapped around their waist. Whenever I turn a corner, there is a saggy butt and I want to scream in horror. I try to spend as little time in there as possible and am constantly looking at the ground. My sister completely avoids the locker room and refuses to go in there. Is this how gyms are with young people? Call me prude-ish, but cover up.

Yesterday, a strange man started stretching next to me and started doing these insane pelvic thrusts while on his back. It looked perverse.

First world problems. What is a gym with young people like? What is normal?

(Source: tinafeygifs)

Me (at the library): I still have one more book that’s overdue.

Librarian (older male in his 50s/60s, reminds me of Newt Gingrich): I can renew it for you. Is it “You’ll Never…”

Me(waiting for him to read the title, which he never did): …Yes.

The book I attempted to get renewed:

Not my problem. It’s pretty funny, FYI.

(Source: amazon.com)

• “I made a beer bottle because my dad likes to drink beer.”- Child in class. Nmp.

• 2 children look at me with blank stares for the entire class. This is probably rude, but sometimes I have to wave my hand in front of their faces to get their attention. Space cadets. Nmp.

• When I give some kids directions, I’m not sure if they aren’t listening or if they do not understand because they cannot speak English (I heard them speaking another language with their parents). Problems.

• Me (to kids fighting): Don’t touch him!

         Boy: It’s ok if he touches me.

         Me: Uhhhhh.

         Nmp.

• Me: You have a really good rolling pin.

         Child: Thank you.

         ??? Lol, that kid is my favorite. Nmp.

• Last week a kid walked into class like this:

Needless to say, I was extremely jealous. Problems.

• In the other session, I used to have to chase a crazy child. One time he freaked out because he found some lace in the supplies and shrieked, “Is this one of those booby thingies!?”. LOL. Then he asked me if I have garters at my house and if I keep my wedding dress in my closet. Nope. NMP.

(Source: steeleheaded.wordpress.com)

I REALLY hate getting work emails that have the word “retarded” in them. What’s your problem?? It’s 2012!

Note: Pauly D is saying “Are you fucking kidding me?” in this gif.

Sometimes I feel like the work emails I write are extremely boring because I have to censor myself. I don’t censor offensive terms, but rather stupid internet shit that many people/my friends and I use like: omg, wtf, lol, win, vom, rage, ftw, newborn baby, nanz. And nmp. NMP.

Do you ever get work emails that have rude, offensive, or weird terms in them? If so, please share!

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