January 2012
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This is why I probably do not go to the gym as...
I workout where Tina Fey used to work her day job (If you really want to know where that is, read Bossy Pants or look it up, creep). It’s not that hip and most of the other people who go there are old(er). It’s weird when I see someone my age there.
Since everyone there is old, I’m really not sure what is normal and what is not. Going to the locker room makes me want to gag (no...
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A great title
Me (at the library): I still have one more book that’s overdue.
Librarian (older male in his 50s/60s, reminds me of Newt Gingrich): I can renew it for you. Is it “You’ll Never…”
Me(waiting for him to read the title, which he never did): …Yes.
The book I attempted to get renewed:
Not my problem. It’s pretty funny, FYI.
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Class
“I made a beer bottle because my dad likes to drink beer.”- Child in class. Nmp.
2 children look at me with blank stares for the entire class. This is probably rude, but sometimes I have to wave my hand in front of their faces to get their attention. Space cadets. Nmp.
When I give some kids directions, I’m not sure if they aren’t listening or if they do not understand...
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I REALLY hate getting work emails that have the word “retarded” in them. What’s your problem?? It’s 2012!
Note: Pauly D is saying “Are you fucking kidding me?” in this gif.
Sometimes I feel like the work emails I write are extremely boring because I have to censor myself. I don’t censor offensive terms, but rather stupid internet shit that many...
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“Kris Humphries was just dumped…
by his publicist”
– My friend. Not my problem.
Everyone will probably forget about him by the end of the year, just like we forgot about Spencer Pratt. In other news, Kris was in Chicago for the basketball game last night. Do people bark at him like they do on the show?
(It looks more like Kris Humphries blacks...
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Important thoughts of the day
1. Emailing and calling people makes me extremely dislike people. Problems. I know you feel the same way. Sometimes I really believe that hell is other people.
2. Have you heard that song “Keep Me In Mind” by Zac Brown Band? If you listen to the lyrics, it’s pretty pathetic. He wants to be someone’s second choice? Who wants to be sloppy seconds or a backup plan?? One guy...
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Names you should not confuse
Rand Paul
Ron Paul
RuPaul
Problems.
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Things you should not confuse
Tin Tin and Rin Tin Tin. I just realized that they are different.
Charlotte Russe and Charlotte Ronson. Shout out to a friend.
Big Sean, Jay Sean, and Sean Kingston.
Social security numbers and phone numbers. I know that phone numbers have one more number than SS#s, but it still happens. Problems.
PIPA and Pippa (Middleton). When I first saw Down with PIPA posts I thought people were being...
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“I went to Northwestern because I had gone to a really nontraditional high...”
–
my specialness is not appreciated in this place.
MY SPECIALNESS IS NOT APPRECIATED IN THIS PLACE
(zooey on her experience at Northwestern via)
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORST
(via fullcredit)
SHE IS SO UNLIKEABLE.
(via kbpresently)
Blech. I must remember that Zooey is not my...
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The other night
My friends and I went to a really good Cuban restaurant, however there was a noose hanging above my head during dinner. I have photographic evidence. Not my problem.
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“Is Buster [Bluth] handicapped?”
– My Mom.
Not my problem.
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My new favorite insults:
Calling people a homophobe or racist.
When you say “Shut up, homophobe!” or “Get out of the way, racist!” it really gets their attention and then it’s not your problem. If that doesn’t get a reaction or doesn’t offend them, they have problems.
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300+ facebook photos of your wedding is excessive.
Even I had no desire to look at all of them. Keep some to yourself!
Not my problem.
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New 2012 Premieres →
The only show that looks slightly interesting is “Celebrity Wife Swap”. New shows in 2012 are not looking so good. Not my problem.
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“Thank goodness you’re here!!”
– My mom to the comcast man. Nmp. Our cable has been out since Wednesday. It’s been hard (just kidding, kind of). My dad says that we should get rid of cable. I said I’d kill myself.