Not My Problem

I agree with them about Chicago beers, BYOB, commercials, Sears Tower, the improv show, ketchup, deep dish, and the el, but I feel like they missed the stuff below. Then again, maybe it’s just the people I know who say this shit. Not my problem. Also, this kind of looks like stuff people who grew up around here say vs. people who moved to the Chicago area in their 20s.

1 hr to The Circle? KILL ME.

Ugh so much traffic. Obama must be in town.

It’s POP, bitch.

Every winter I ask myself why I live here.

(while riding the redline) I hate Cubs game days :(

DIBS

Logan Square- soooo hipster.

I work in the burbs, but live/play in the city. [Note: I want to punch people who say I play in the city. Are you 6?]

There will never be another Michael Jordan. Never forget the Bulls in the 90’s!!!

Omgggg Barleycorn/Ew Barleycorn.

It’s a Lettuce Entertain You restaurant.

Did you see Janet Davies and Mark Giangreco making out on ABC’s New Year’s Eve show?

He must be from someplace lame like Schaumburg.

Are you going to wear gym shoes?

Beware of potholes.

Remember when North Ave was the red light district?

Wicker Park is SOO gentrified.

I went to Viagra Triangle, so you know how that goes.

I hear the Pritzkers live on Millionaire’s Row.

It will ALWAYS be Marshall Fields.

(In LP) There goes a Trixie and a Chad.

It’s near the six corners.

Remember Q101/Eddie and Jobo/when Kiss FM was on 92.7/95.5 The light/Mancow in the Mornings? [Radio style]

His parents have a vacation home in Lake Geneva.

Hey, that guy [on CNN] used to be on a Chicago news station.

MCGEES AREA.

Straight from the lake (pointing to a glass of water).

(While watching NBC Chicago news): Dick Johnson. BAHAHAHA.

The end. I hope this annoying trend ends soon. We all know what we say!

(Written last night)

I was driving to pick up my friend to go to The Owl for $2 beers (A Tuesday special!). Instead, I was rear ended at a stop light by a douchebag. I didn’t even see it coming. After he hit me, we pulled into a parking lot and I told him I was calling the police to file a report because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you get in an accident. Then he tried to convince me that there was no damage and that I was fine because he has rubber bumpers (I know that my head went forward and then hit the back of the headrest. Last time I was rear ended I could not move the next day). Sorry, I’m not into playing bumper cars on the road, idiot.

Since he was irritating me, I told him I wouldn’t call the police and we could just exchange insurance/info. He said he’d get it and went to his car. Then, he took off.

If there is one thing that I cannot stand it is people who think I’m stupid. I know I’m not stupid. Thus, as he was driving away (I had a feeling he would since he didn’t ask if I was ok or say that he was sorry when he got out of his car), I took down his license plate. If you ever see a Jaguar with the license plate # 196 1924, please take a baseball bat and bash the windows in. I won’t tell. The jerk looked like Lizzie McGuire’s dad with greasy hair that hung to almost his chin and wore an ill fitted light beige suit with an ugly tie, right out of a John Hughes movie. I hope he gets an incurable venereal disease.

After waiting for the cops for at least 40 minutes (Ugh, Chicago cops), I finally drove to the station to file a report. The policeman who took down my information didn’t blink and was either slow or I don’t know what. So that was my night instead of having a pint at the Owl.

I’m very thankful that the friend I was picking up came to wait with me for the police and then went to the police station with me. I cried at least three times (my face hurts) because I was shocked that someone hit me and then drove away. If my friend wasn’t there I would have lost it even more. I am also thankful that it was nothing serious, but wtf.

Seriously though, people like that asshole have been making me lose faith in humanity lately. I know I grew up sheltered thinking that people are good, hard work pays off, etc, but realizing that my old beliefs are completely wrong makes me depressed. PROBLEMS.

What are your Halloween plans? My friends and I are trying to find a [nondouchey] bar that does not charge cover on Saturday. Do you know of anything fun and cheap happening this Halloween weekend? Making plans and trying to figure out where to go always equals problems. Thanks for your help!

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I’m going to Pilsen for my birthday. Problem: I don’t know where to eat. Can anyone recommend a good, authentic, decently priced Mexican restaurant??